last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
