walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
