Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
