Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
