haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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