why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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