i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
