Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
