census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is the high leading the old right now
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
