Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
