Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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