Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
