i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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