you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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