When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
