Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
