Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
