I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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