I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
