I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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