Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
