I'm so fucking centered right now
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
