you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
