some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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