Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
