I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
