would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
