I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
