We named our party play list daddy issues
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
