They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
