dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
