Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I've blown a few things in my day
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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