how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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