just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
