I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
