walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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