my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
