omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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