i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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