i just had sex bonerless
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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