You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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