good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
