I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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