walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
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I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize