u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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