i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
