you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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