Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
