Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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