Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We're facebook friends in real life
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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