apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
