the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
