There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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