Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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