it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
