When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
