That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
