yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need to calm my uterus...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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