If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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