once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
