I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
