So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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