I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Boobs are out for the taking
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
