Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
