Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize