I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
