but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
