My friends, they love my intelligence
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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