having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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