I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
