Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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