3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
