Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Shame is for Republicans.
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