i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
