I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
