If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
